I'm still here. It's been 6 months since my last post and there have been some changes in my life. Large and small. Some of the things I am going to be writing about are just flat out embarrassing though. This is basically going to read like a diary or journal but since it's really for me, I can do that.
I'm still in a flare up. This one has lasted longer than the others ever have. I've had to move in with my sister because I can't take care of myself and it is just too much for Maggie alone. I also had to have knee surgery on my left knee. I had an untreated torn meniscus and it created more problems than my general RA stuff. But anyway.
I got stuck today. Now in the south, when someone says that, they generally mean they got stuck in the mud. Not me. I got stuck in the bathroom. On the toilet. I couldn't get my legs to work. I was just stuck there. All the rocking back and forth just could not get my momentum up enough to "lift off." It's funny now but 45 minutes ago I was crying. What normal 38 year old woman can't get off the toilet? It was humiliating to have to call my 13 year old daughter into the bathroom to help me up off of the toilet. Another new thing I'm having to deal with. I can't shower over here. It's a standard tub/shower and I'm terrified of falling. I have to pick my legs up over the side and since my RA is flared up and the knee surgery I could fall getting in or out or even just by turning around. It's like my legs are not listening to the signals that my brain is sending. Mom has a shower chair I can have so my sister is going to go get that for me. I am desperately hoping that will help. Also, I shaved my head. I can't brush my hair anymore so to fix that I shaved my head and bought some wigs. I'm due for a "trim" but until the shower seat gets here I'm waiting.
I was nervous about moving in with my sister because of her dogs that are large and active but they ended up being the least of my worries. They are afraid of my walker so when they hear me coming, they move. Except for Petey. Petey can't hear me because he is half deaf. He moves when I nudge him though. My sister and I are sharing a room so she can hear me in the night. She sleeps on a queen bed with all of her dogs and I sleep in a twin with my little dogs. Usually just Onyx though since Bo likes sleeping with my sister. It's working so far even though it's not something we are used to. I stay parked in my wheelchair in the living room and it can go to the kitchen if I want something. To get down the hall to the bathroom and bedroom, I use my walker. Since my legs aren't working correctly right now, it's the best I've got.
I'm discouraged though. I had surgery on December 9th and it seems like it's not getting any better. I know knee surgery doesn't mean I'll be fixed immediately but damn. I thought by now I would be able to walk unassisted. I finally start my physical therapy tomorrow so maybe after that? It's 4 weeks of therapy 3 times a week so there's got to be some improvement after that. Right? At this moment though, I just feel like my life is a series of challenges that I'm not meeting.
